I wanna dance with somebody

The chorus to Whitney Houston's  "I wanna dance with somebody" has been stuck in my head for the past two days.  The whole song would probably be there but I don't know the rest of the words so it's not.

But it's true.  I want to dance with somebody especially somebody who loves me but I don't see that happening any time soon.  I've brought it up a couple times in conversation with that someone that I love and think loves me and he doesn't seem to want to dance with me.  He's got his own dancing thing going on.  He's more advanced than me, he knows a completely different style than I do and he already has a partner.

One would think that none of those things would matter though.  I mean I can think of ways around all of them.  For the first two I'm a pretty quick learner so I think I would be able to learn what he knows maybe not super quickly but I do have a dance background and I'm not stupid.  And for the partner thing he was just complaining about her the other day and why wouldn't you want your significant other to be your dance partner.  I don't know.

I guess another issue is that maybe we're not aware of where to dance...but I think that can be remedied easily.  We'd just have to look for places.  My ballroom teacher dances socially all the time in town.

Well that's all for today.  I just wish that song would get out of my head now.

Blue-Eyed Baker: Everybody makes mistakes

I haven't been baking recently.  I just haven't had the motivation but I had friends over Saturday night and I thought I'd bake cookies.

I was in Wal-Mart and saw some butterscotch baking chips. Butterscotch is one of my favorite flavors so I bought them intending to make some basic butterscotch chip cookies.  So I went home and found my recipe. All was well for the most part until I realized I made a mistake.  I used baking powder instead of baking soda.  

As I rushed through the recipe I didn't read it correctly and the baking powder was the first thing I saw in my cabinet so I used it.  If you don't know what happens when you make this mistake I'll tell you.  It's not super catastrophic and the cookies are still edible but they don't brown very well and they come out sort of doughy.  The recipe I used also made a super sweet cookie that was pretty disgusting.

Needless to say I didn't give them to my guests so if they read this I apologize for my cookie failure. I'm not going to post the recipe because it wasn't that great and unless you like instantaneously getting cavities after biting into a cookie you're probably not going to want to use it.

Not the most appetizing picture.

Good luck in all your baking endeavors and Happy Monday!

I might be losing it.

Or maybe I already lost it.  However, I don't know what it is.

I'll apologize now for the onslaught of depressing posts lately but I'm at a low point in my life.  It may seem like I'm whining but for now everyday looks like a black hole and I'm going to cry and whine if I want to because I can and that's how I'm going to deal with things right now.

So back to how I'm losing whatever "it" is.  My relationship is "on the rocks".  My significant other and I have no idea where we stand.  Well at least I have no idea where he stands.  I think I've made my position pretty clear (I hope I have).  While I'm respecting how he's not ready to talk about things just yet it's still rough because I don't do well with uncertainty.

I feel completely alone in the world.  While I realize that I have friends here and at home I also feel completely alone.  I talk to my friends and/or my mom daily but they can only help so much.  There's a point in everyday where I can't talk to anyone anymore either because everyone is asleep or because I feel like I've been complaining to them too much and I need to give it a break.  It's times like that that really make me feel alone.

I'm in list making mode.  I rarely if ever make lists.  The only list that I make often is a grocery list but when I feel like life has taken a turn for the worst I start making lists galore.  Homework lists, chores lists, shopping lists, going to class lists, any kind of list.  These lists are the way I make it through the day.  They give me some goals and in all honesty if I didn't make them I would probably forget half of the things I'm supposed to do.  If I've learned one thing the combination of stress, depression and anxiety ruin your memory.  Most days I can't remember what I've done or what I'm supposed to do but if I check all of my things on my list off then I know I've done something.

So maybe I'm not losing it.  Maybe I have things mostly together.  I can still construct a coherent post.  I can realize what's going on in my life but it sure does feel out of control sometimes.  Have I mentioned that I hate uncertainty?  Well I also hate feeling like I have no control and basically those two are the same thing.

Happy Sunday!