Military Monday: "Support your Significant Other, Friend, Family member"

Today I wanted to talk about the phrase that any new military spouse, significant other, friend or family member is going to hear when they ask, "How do I deal with my son/daughter, husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, fiance/fiancee going into the military?"  As we all know I'm not quite a military significant other yet but it's going to happen sooner rather than later and when I first found out about my SO wanting to join the Navy I took to the internet to see what others had to say about me being sad about this very sudden decision.

When Kyle first told me that he had decided to apply to go to the Navy I was in shock and I found pretty much every military blog, support website, etc. to tell me what to do.  I wanted to know how you were supposed to cope with a life changing decision like this.  And the answer that I got the most was, "Always be supportive of your new sailor/soldier/etc.".  No way!  I would have never thought I should be supportive of Kyle's decision.  That my friends was sarcasm, of course I knew I needed to be supportive and I am/was.  My real question was what do you do on the days when you don't feel like being supportive?

It was harder to find an answer to that question and I never actually did.  So here's my answer.  Do whatever you want.  However it is that you cope with being upset about a big change in your life that you can't control, do that.  It's pretty simple but I would have been happier if someone had told me that.  My coping techniques include ice cream, sometimes a chick flick and crying.  One night I was feeling really down about the whole thing.  I felt like I didn't know anything, it was all so uncertain.  Do I go with him? Where will I live? Will I have a job? Will we get married? What about my hopes and dreams?  Nobody had an answer to those questions so I went to Wal-Mart, bought some Ben and Jerry's and then went home and bawled my eyes out.  And guess what it helped.  I eventually talked myself through some of my questions and kind of came up with answers.

I also want to let you all know that it's okay to doubt sometimes and if you don't feel like being supportive that's not being selfish.  If your friend or family member or SO decides to join the armed forces it's not only a big change for them it's also a big change for you.  You might not physically have to go to basic or be deployed but it's a challenge in it's own right.  So it's okay to have days where you want to cry all day or punch a hole in a wall, okay you might not actually want to punch a hole in the wall,  but trust me it's okay to not be supportive 100% of the time.

How do/did you cope with your loved one joining the military? Let me know in the comments!

Happy Monday!

Military Monday: Military Vocabulary

When my boyfriend decided to inform me that he had decided to join the Navy and it was not going to be for the  teaching position he had previously explained to me I freaked.  I didn't know what to do and I was pretty sure that life as I knew it was over.  And in all honesty for the most part the life that I live now will change drastically in about a year when he does leave for basic and all that fun stuff but I'm a lot more accepting of it now because I've read about 300,000 articles all about military life.

I know I'll never be fully prepared for what's coming but I read the blogs and I've learned a lot.  The following are some terms and acronyms that I found really daunting but now don't seem as bad.

PCSing

When I started reading blogs and articles I saw this one everywhere and I had no clue what it meant.  I read things like "10 things to know for your first PCS" and "Not every PCS is the same" and "What to expect when you're PCSing".  I didn't actually read that last one but it is a really great title.  I'll have to remember it for later.  But in case you didn't know PCS stands for permanent change of station.  I was also afraid that you would be doing one of these like every other month or something but it turns out that it's more like every few years.  So I guess it's not that bad.

Reintegration

Reintegration is something that happens after a long deployment.  It's basically when your significant other (SO) comes back and he/she has their way of doing things and you've figured out your own way of doing things and those two ways don't exactly mesh.  It seems that for some people reintegration is really hard and frustrating but for others it's rather easy.  I suppose it depends on what kind of couple you were in the first place and how understanding the two of you are.  I told my boyfriend about this phenomena and I don't think he feels that it exists but I'm pretty sure it does and that one day we're going to learn first hand ALL about reintegration.  It should be fun.

Sea Tours and Shore Tours

One day the boyfriend brought home some pamphlets about the positions he applied for and nosy little me decided that I had to read them.  One of them started talking about shore tours and sea tours and the words "sea tour" scared the crap out of me.   I was convinced that the boyfriend would be spending six to X amount of months on a boat and that I would literally never see him.  That's not what a sea tour is my friends.    A sea tour basically just means that your SO and maybe you if you choose to follow along will be stationed on a base near a boat.  Your SO may have to go on the boat for a little while at times but the good news is that he/she won't always be on the boat and you will get to spend time with them.  What a relief!

That's all for this installment but I'm sure we'll talk about military vocab more in the future. Do you have any terms that scared you or you think I should know?  Tell me about them in the comments!  Happy Monday!

Military Monday

My newest idea for a series is, you guessed it, "Military Monday".  I've decided to start this particular series because my boyfriend recently decided to fill out an application for the Navy.  I'm very proud of him and I plan on supporting him in all of his future endeavors.  This decision though is a pretty big one that not only effects him but also me and his family.

I'll start by giving you a little background information on Kyle and I.  We met in 2009 in our first semester of college.  We were both in a theater group.  We started out as friends and by the end of our second semester and the play we were dating.  It's been three years now that we've been together and for two of those years we've lived together.  It's pretty serious.  I'm also pretty sure that we're going to be together for the long term, at least I hope so.

So here we are in 2013 and we're both a year away from graduating.  About a month ago we were both in the same boat.  Neither of us had a "real" direction for what we were doing after graduation next May, then a week later Kyle found his direction, the Navy.

At first it was for a teaching position in Charleston, SC.  It would have kept him there and there would have been no deployment, no active duty.  I liked that.  Plus we would live in South Carolina which seems like a pretty nice place.  He talked to a recruiter about this position and everything was hunky-dory, for like a day. He later found out that his GPA wasn't high enough for the teaching position but there were plenty of other careers in the Navy he could look at, the only "down side" being that they are all active duty positions and there will be deployments.  This news was upsetting but there was still the opportunity for me to go with him when I could.  I'll let you in on a little secret up until that point I didn't realize that to get the benefits of your significant other being in the military you have to be married.  That was lesson number one for me.  Marriage is a big deal and I never want to rush into it but now with that little nugget of information I think following him when possible will be tougher to do without being married.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to force him to marry me just so I can tag along and reap the benefits through his military career.  I'm a big girl, an adult in fact and I can take care of myself.  I do want to get married someday though.

I don't come from a military family and neither does Kyle so all of this is very new to me.  Kyle deciding to join the Navy was quite the surprise and I'm still unsure of how to deal with it.  Right now everything is still far away (kind of) and he's not officially in.  I'm still scared though.  From everything I've read so far military life isn't necessarily easy for the enlisted or their families but it is rewarding.  I know I have a lot to learn and I probably won't learn a lot of it until it actually happens but you can never be too prepared. Right?

So this has been the first "Military Monday".  I don't think all of them will read like this but I thought you all should know why I decided to start this series.  In a nutshell it's because I'm scared and I'm looking for advice but I also want to give advice to those who are looking for it.  For future "Military Mondays"  I'll probably include something new that I've learned about military life and occasionally updates on where Kyle is at in his prospective military career.

Hope you enjoyed the first installment. Happy Monday!