Today I wanted to talk about the phrase that any new military spouse, significant other, friend or family member is going to hear when they ask, "How do I deal with my son/daughter, husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, fiance/fiancee going into the military?" As we all know I'm not quite a military significant other yet but it's going to happen sooner rather than later and when I first found out about my SO wanting to join the Navy I took to the internet to see what others had to say about me being sad about this very sudden decision.
When Kyle first told me that he had decided to apply to go to the Navy I was in shock and I found pretty much every military blog, support website, etc. to tell me what to do. I wanted to know how you were supposed to cope with a life changing decision like this. And the answer that I got the most was, "Always be supportive of your new sailor/soldier/etc.". No way! I would have never thought I should be supportive of Kyle's decision. That my friends was sarcasm, of course I knew I needed to be supportive and I am/was. My real question was what do you do on the days when you don't feel like being supportive?
It was harder to find an answer to that question and I never actually did. So here's my answer. Do whatever you want. However it is that you cope with being upset about a big change in your life that you can't control, do that. It's pretty simple but I would have been happier if someone had told me that. My coping techniques include ice cream, sometimes a chick flick and crying. One night I was feeling really down about the whole thing. I felt like I didn't know anything, it was all so uncertain. Do I go with him? Where will I live? Will I have a job? Will we get married? What about my hopes and dreams? Nobody had an answer to those questions so I went to Wal-Mart, bought some Ben and Jerry's and then went home and bawled my eyes out. And guess what it helped. I eventually talked myself through some of my questions and kind of came up with answers.
I also want to let you all know that it's okay to doubt sometimes and if you don't feel like being supportive that's not being selfish. If your friend or family member or SO decides to join the armed forces it's not only a big change for them it's also a big change for you. You might not physically have to go to basic or be deployed but it's a challenge in it's own right. So it's okay to have days where you want to cry all day or punch a hole in a wall, okay you might not actually want to punch a hole in the wall, but trust me it's okay to not be supportive 100% of the time.
How do/did you cope with your loved one joining the military? Let me know in the comments!
Happy Monday!
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