I haven't been around the blog for a couple days. I've been trying to get adjusted to living alone and taking classes. At first I was here because there was one class that was keeping me here. I couldn't take it online or at another campus. While I was taking that class I could justify being in State College and almost torturing myself. Apparently, I don't do well alone when I'm three hours away from my friends and family.
On Tuesday I decided to drop the class that was keeping me here. It wasn't because I knew that if I dropped it I could go home that was actually the last thing that came to mind. The class was going to be a lot of work and after a consultation with my advisor I really wasn't going to need it. So why take it?
It wasn't until a little later that I realized that class was the only reason I was in State College. I could transfer the other two classes to the online versions and I could be home free. That seems pretty exciting right? I haven't been happy here so it should have been a no brainer. I should have been able to tell myself just go home.
Turns out, it wasn't that easy. I had come up here with the mindset that I wanted to prove to myself that I could be on my own for an extended period of time. I was trying to justify staying here. And at one point I was going to just stick it out because I thought that it's what others would want to see me try to do. The turning point was when I consulted my mom and she said the exact opposite of what I expected. She said to come home. So I thought and thought and thought about it. I talked to Kyle, my mom, my therapist and my 2 best friends. And after making the biggest deal out of a relatively small problem I decided to go home. Now I'm not there yet, I have to pack and drive there but by the end of the day today I'll be home.
I can't say I'm ecstatic about my decision. But if I would have chose the other path I can't really see myself being any happier. I have a really tough time making decisions and this one was probably one of the toughest but I talked myself through it and ultimately I think I'll be happier. Although in the very long run this whole thing probably doesn't even matter. I read an article about decision making yesterday and it said to ask yourself the question, "How will this decision affect you in 70 years?" The truth is this isn't a big decision and in 70 years I'll probably have forgotten that I even worried about this or I'll be laughing because I made such a big deal about it. I even went to the trouble to blog about it.
Happy Thursday!
No comments:
Post a Comment