College Milestones

Hi Everybody!

It's been awhile since I've

1. written a post and
2. written a post that's not about my depression

So today I'm going to do both of those; today I'd like to talk about my college career.  

My college career is coming to a close.  I have ONE semester left and I think it's going to be pretty easy.  I think at this point I've completed most of the things I'm going to complete in my college life other than graduation.

So here we go, here are some of the things I've done in the past 4 and a half years.

• Moved into a dorm and then moved back out because I decided that the big campus wasn't for me just yet
• Joined a club and made some of the best friends I've ever known
• Became a waitress and loved/hated it
• Worked in "fast food", Panera thinks they're better than everyone else but they're really not
• Moved into an apartment with my significant other, it has had its ups and downs
• Failed a class (a couple times, oops)
• Went to a Penn State football game or two (they were amazing)
• Survived the Sandusky ordeal
• Chose a major, changed my major, changed my major again and then finally picked one
• Turned 21 and had the best possible 21st birthday
• Admitted that I have depression and decided to go to therapy for it (on three different occasions)
• My significant other and I got a cat (that we weren't supposed to have)
• Got a credit card and did what everyone tells you not to do with said credit card
• Found my passion in life
• Started a blog 
• Joined a club and realized that no club will ever be the same as the Lion Players
• Had one or two really bad semesters but ended up learning that no matter how bad it gets it WILL get better
• Learned that Netflix can be your best friend when you're too poor to go out
• "Interned" at PennDOT and learned what sexual harassment is
• Babysat the worst kids in the world for a summer
• Went to an interview (or two) and didn't get the job or internship
• Questioned if what I was doing was right (on multiple occasions)
• Paid tuition for the final time and had no debt to show for it
• Scheduled for my final semester
• Looked at my degree audit and smiled because I have every class (plus some) that I need to graduate

Some of these may seem better or more meaningful than others but for me I've learned a lot in the past few years about myself and others.  At times I may feel like college hasn't been exactly what it was supposed to be but I think I've done what I needed to do here and I'm ready for my next step college and I only have a few more months to go.

Happy Monday!

I wanna dance with somebody

The chorus to Whitney Houston's  "I wanna dance with somebody" has been stuck in my head for the past two days.  The whole song would probably be there but I don't know the rest of the words so it's not.

But it's true.  I want to dance with somebody especially somebody who loves me but I don't see that happening any time soon.  I've brought it up a couple times in conversation with that someone that I love and think loves me and he doesn't seem to want to dance with me.  He's got his own dancing thing going on.  He's more advanced than me, he knows a completely different style than I do and he already has a partner.

One would think that none of those things would matter though.  I mean I can think of ways around all of them.  For the first two I'm a pretty quick learner so I think I would be able to learn what he knows maybe not super quickly but I do have a dance background and I'm not stupid.  And for the partner thing he was just complaining about her the other day and why wouldn't you want your significant other to be your dance partner.  I don't know.

I guess another issue is that maybe we're not aware of where to dance...but I think that can be remedied easily.  We'd just have to look for places.  My ballroom teacher dances socially all the time in town.

Well that's all for today.  I just wish that song would get out of my head now.

Blue-Eyed Baker: Everybody makes mistakes

I haven't been baking recently.  I just haven't had the motivation but I had friends over Saturday night and I thought I'd bake cookies.

I was in Wal-Mart and saw some butterscotch baking chips. Butterscotch is one of my favorite flavors so I bought them intending to make some basic butterscotch chip cookies.  So I went home and found my recipe. All was well for the most part until I realized I made a mistake.  I used baking powder instead of baking soda.  

As I rushed through the recipe I didn't read it correctly and the baking powder was the first thing I saw in my cabinet so I used it.  If you don't know what happens when you make this mistake I'll tell you.  It's not super catastrophic and the cookies are still edible but they don't brown very well and they come out sort of doughy.  The recipe I used also made a super sweet cookie that was pretty disgusting.

Needless to say I didn't give them to my guests so if they read this I apologize for my cookie failure. I'm not going to post the recipe because it wasn't that great and unless you like instantaneously getting cavities after biting into a cookie you're probably not going to want to use it.

Not the most appetizing picture.

Good luck in all your baking endeavors and Happy Monday!

I might be losing it.

Or maybe I already lost it.  However, I don't know what it is.

I'll apologize now for the onslaught of depressing posts lately but I'm at a low point in my life.  It may seem like I'm whining but for now everyday looks like a black hole and I'm going to cry and whine if I want to because I can and that's how I'm going to deal with things right now.

So back to how I'm losing whatever "it" is.  My relationship is "on the rocks".  My significant other and I have no idea where we stand.  Well at least I have no idea where he stands.  I think I've made my position pretty clear (I hope I have).  While I'm respecting how he's not ready to talk about things just yet it's still rough because I don't do well with uncertainty.

I feel completely alone in the world.  While I realize that I have friends here and at home I also feel completely alone.  I talk to my friends and/or my mom daily but they can only help so much.  There's a point in everyday where I can't talk to anyone anymore either because everyone is asleep or because I feel like I've been complaining to them too much and I need to give it a break.  It's times like that that really make me feel alone.

I'm in list making mode.  I rarely if ever make lists.  The only list that I make often is a grocery list but when I feel like life has taken a turn for the worst I start making lists galore.  Homework lists, chores lists, shopping lists, going to class lists, any kind of list.  These lists are the way I make it through the day.  They give me some goals and in all honesty if I didn't make them I would probably forget half of the things I'm supposed to do.  If I've learned one thing the combination of stress, depression and anxiety ruin your memory.  Most days I can't remember what I've done or what I'm supposed to do but if I check all of my things on my list off then I know I've done something.

So maybe I'm not losing it.  Maybe I have things mostly together.  I can still construct a coherent post.  I can realize what's going on in my life but it sure does feel out of control sometimes.  Have I mentioned that I hate uncertainty?  Well I also hate feeling like I have no control and basically those two are the same thing.

Happy Sunday!

Depression

Depression - a serious medical condition in which a person feels very sad, hopeless, and unimportant and often is unable to live in a normal way

I struggle with this condition everyday.  Most people that know me know this by now.  And most of you that read my blog probably know that too either because I've said it (have I said it?) or because you picked it up in my posts.  It doesn't really matter how you found out because now I'm explicitly telling you that I'm depressed in the medical sense of the word.  I also have anxiety but we'll save that for another post.

I'll lay it out plainly for you depression sucks and if you don't handle it in the right way it will take over your life.  That's where I'm at right now, my depression is essentially the ruler of my life.  I hate it but I know exactly why it happened.  I never handled it properly.

I went to therapy, for awhile, but I also jumped from therapist to therapist and never stuck to one program.  I also decided on my own volition to not take my pills after my prescription ran out.  NEVER do that.  I will attest that not taking my meds because I a.) am lazy and b.) didn't want the stigma of being medicated on me was the dumbest thing I ever did.  It screwed me up, big time.  On top of not taking medication not continuously going to therapy has also been a terrible decision.

Because of the above reasons I am now not in control of my life and it's terrible.  The quality of my day hinges on how depressed I feel and lately on a scale of 1 to 10 I've been at a level 10 for the past week and a half.  I'm lucky if I can go through a 2-3 hour period without crying.  It's that bad.  I've finally come to terms however with the fact that this is basically my fault.  I tried to tell myself that depression wasn't a real thing that could hurt me and I'd be just fine without therapy and medication as long as I "kept myself busy".  Well I'm busy as can be but I'm also depressed so apparently I was wrong and I'm glad that I can admit that.

So how do I fix this mess I've made?  Go back to therapy, get back on medications.  It sounds simple and all in all it is but what I didn't think about when I made this pact with myself to make me better was that doctors are busy people.  So now I'm playing a waiting game.  I have a therapy appointment Thursday that I'm ever so thankful for but the road to medication is taking longer.  I'll be honest though Thursday looks awfully far away at the moment and that's terrifying because in the world of emotions I've had a terrible weekend.  This is most likely the second lowest point of my life.  I feel like a fuck-up, like I've wasted my whole college career and I'm holding out for something better after graduation day but I really shouldn't be doing that I should be making things better for me today but lack of motivation and the inability to find joy in anything is a serious barrier.

Here's to hoping that there are better days ahead and that I can commit to getting better.
And I hope that some of you can learn from this because I'm a wreck and I don't want anyone to feel this way, ever.

Happy Sunday.

Mid-Semester Crisis

I've been in college for 4 full years and I'm on my fifth and final year as we speak.  Every semester (I kid you not) I have had a mid-semester crisis.  I didn't realize this until this morning when I was jamming to Pat Benetar on the bus because she's the only person that can make me feel okay right now.

My first couple years they were small ones.  Just little things like " Oh gosh, I'm a little behind on assignments" but this semester it's a big one.  I'm freaking out.  I'm convinced that my boyfriend doesn't like me anymore and that we have to break up because we never see each other and never do anything together and he always seems to have his own agenda.  I'm convinced that I'm never going to get a job in my field and I'm going to work shitty part time jobs for the rest of my life. And in addition to that I'm going to have to work every weekend of my life and never have any fun.  I'm convinced that I'm not even going to make it through this semester, even though so far I have A's and B's in all of my classes.  I'm convinced that I'm never going to find my passion in life and that my journey is going to be riddled with sadness and depression. I'm also at a point where drinking seems like the only way to have fun.

Like I said this one is a full-blown crisis and I have no way to deal other than with methods that are somewhat self-harming.  I'm not like hurting myself (so please don't worry too much) but I am thinking about drinking more and I'm closing myself off to people that I shouldn't be.

I'd also like to apologize, dear readers, for being so morose.  I'm just having a rough time right now and this blog in all honesty is my outlet.  Not a lot of people read it but this is almost a passive aggressive way of letting the people I love know what's going on with my life.

So let's not talk about that stuff and talk about how I'm going to try my hardest to stay f*cking positive.

Pat Benetar

This woman is the shit.  All of her songs make me feel like I can rule the world and they give me an instant boost.  

TheBerry.com

I've posted about theBerry before and today they made the perfect post.  I was feeling awful this morning and I opened my Berry app and they had a post of positive messages that just made me smile.

These are my two external things but overall I'm trying to think positively and tell myself that I'm worth it.  I'm a good person and everything is going to be okay.

I'd greatly appreciate any positive comments.  Happy Monday! I hope you're all doing okay.

I'm done with State College

Dear State College,

It's been real.  For the past 2.5 years I've had fun here but I'm going to be honest with you.  I've had my fill.

When I got here in the Fall of 2011 I knew there wasn't going to be a long term, forever kind of relationship between us.  I knew that living here was just a stepping stone in my life.

Don't get me wrong, you're a beautiful place filled with activities that anyone can enjoy, art, theater, concerts, clubs, bars and of course football.  But I've done it all and I'm over it.  I'm ready for my next city or town.

I want to move on.  I don't want you (State College) to make this hard on me.  There was a time when I was exorbitantly happy to be here but I also knew that you were never going to be my home and now it's time to move on and continuing my path of finding that right place for me even if I ultimately end up right where I started in good old Southwestern PA.

This picture IS State College.

The challenge though is that we still have a semester and a half left to go.  I can't leave you, State College, until I have my degree in May and right now that seems like it's eons away.

So what are we going to do?  How are we going to make this thing work?  Do I sit in my apartment and loathe you while binge watching Netflix or do I try to make something of the next 7 months?  Right now I'm in favor of the former and maybe that's okay for today but it's also going to make for a lousy 7 months.  So maybe I sit inside today and tomorrow and the next day but eventually I'm going to make the most of what we have left.  Maybe some exciting things will come to town and I'll love you again or maybe I'll make it through Weeds, Breaking Bad, Arrested Development, Downton Abbey and a plethora of movies before May 2014.  Time will tell.

Sincerely,
Hannah

P.S. I promise I'll come back to visit.  I like you in small doses.

The Biological Clock Conundrum

In case you were wondering I was totally going for a "Big Bang Theory"-esque title.  If you're not familiar with the show just go look at a title for one of the episodes and you'll find the title of this blog mildly humorous.

Any who, let's talk about the biological clock.

Toothpastefordinner.com is always funny.

For a long time I didn't believe that I would one day feel my biological clock "ticking".  To be honest I didn't think it was real but after the past few days I'm now a firm believer.  

In the last week I've seen a million engagement ring ads and a ton of recent-ish Alumni and their babies walking around downtown and at my place of work.  I'm DEFINITELY NOT saying I'm ready for a baby but I'm thinking my body is thinking about it.  I've always kind of thought to myself that I'd like to be married and have children (well maybe just one child) by the time I'm like 30 and if you think about it I'm 22 and yeah it's 8 years away but 8 years can go by kind of quick.  

Example: In 3 days it will be 8 years since my dad passed away and it feels like that just happened yesterday.  

I guess what I'm trying to say is the biological clock is real and you should never doubt that.  I know some of you out there might be younger and you're thinking this chick is crazy there's no way I'm actually going to feel pressure from my own being to get the ball rolling in life but seriously it's real.  And then I know some of you that are my age and older are probably like "I feel ya girl" and for that I thank you.

On another note I just wanted to let y'all know I had a totally awesome weekend celebrating my boyfriend's parents' 40th wedding anniversary.  (Congrats Bobby and Dan!) 

Happy Sunday!

Cliques

I’m in college now, so cliques shouldn't be a problem right? Wrong!

The best picture illustrating cliques that I've ever seen.

I’ll be honest I wasn't all that worried about cliques or being part of the popular crowd in school.  I jumped around from friend circle to friend circle up until about sophomore year of high school and then I kicked it pretty regularly with my band friends.  I was way into marching band and I loved it and I loved my friends (I still love my friends that I've kept).  Somehow I made it from kindergarten all the way to senior year with friends and as I look back on it I’m not sure how it happened, making friends was just easy when you’re young.

But now I’m getting ready to graduate college and I don’t have friends like I did in high school. It’s a lot harder to make adult friends.  Don’t get me wrong.  I've met some great people and I talk to them on almost a daily basis.  I've made work friends and class friends and one or two friends in my major.  But I don’t have a group.  If I did have to designate my group it would be a two person group of me and Kyle, but sometimes I think he doesn't even want to be in my group (and yes that’s okay).

I have tried to be parts of groups.  At my current place of work (and I apologize if this offends anyone) it’s pretty clique-y.  There’s a distinct group of “Seasonal Hires” and another of “We've been here awhile”.  I guess I’d say I’m right in the middle of the two and that’s why I don’t really belong in either of those groups.  Last year there was a distinct “popular group” which is kind of sad to think about but it was there.  I was basically given the opportunity to be in it but I honestly can’t help talking to the people that aren't in the “popular group” and that’s when I got the message that said “Hey we (the popular group) like you but you can’t technically be in the group because you’re talking to the people we don’t like”. 

That’s not really fair and it’s actually really rude.  I believe that you should treat everyone kindly even if you don’t like them.  I was kind of a bitch in high school and I didn't do this but I've done it for as long as I can think of after high school and I plan on keeping it that way. No one should feel left out ever.  And I’m all for abolishing cliques even though I’m pretty sure that’s impossible.

Down with the cliques! 

       and Happy Wednesday!

It's not Monday but here's a Military post.

As we all know it is not Monday and I haven't posted about the military in a long time but today seems like a fitting day for a military post.  Today this post will serve two purposes.

#1: Today is the 12 year anniversary of 9/11

I don't dwell a lot on tragedies well, I try not to.  I was in 5th grade when the terrorist attacks happened and I'll tell you exactly how I felt when I found out what was going on in Mrs. Ratica's English class, confused.  It took me awhile to figure it out.  Kids kept being picked up and I was hearing buzz words like bombs, airplanes, and Al Qaeda but no one was telling us 5th graders the whole story.

English class was eighth period for me and that's when Mrs. Ratica finally turned on the TV and showed us what was happening.  I was still confused though, I had no idea what it all meant.  I had so many questions like, what is a terrorist, who's Osama Bin Laden, why would they want to hurt us.  I think I vaguely remember my mom trying to explain it to me and it was probably the first time in my life that I actually watched the news.  Of course now I know what it was all about and I personally will never be able to forgive the people that did this to us.  I will always remember the innocent people killed and everyone that tried to help.  For all of those that were lost that day and any other day you may be gone but you are not forgotten.

#2: Kyle heard back from the Navy

This topic is a little more personal to me and I haven't wrote about it in a long time.  The reason for that is because nothing was happening.  However, he met with his recruiter on Monday and something has finally happened he's been accepted into the Naval Flight Officer program.  I'm happy/proud and upset all at the same time.  I guess nothing is really official yet, he hasn't signed anything, but we're getting closer.  I'll keep you updated but in the meantime,

Happy Wednesday!

I miss my cat.

If you know me you know I love animals and if you don't know me well then now you know that I love animals.

At home I have two dogs, okay only one is actually mine but it's very rude to not claim Coal plus I love him so yeah he's mine.  Here at school we have some fish, they're not very exciting but they glow in the dark so that's pretty cool.  We used to have a hamster but sadly he isn't with us anymore (R.I.P. Sonic) and we also had a cat but he stayed back home so that he didn't go through kitty depression.  He has many "friends" at Kyle's house that he reigns supreme over because he thinks he's king of the cats, at least that's the attitude he had when we left him.

But I miss him.  He liked to cuddle sometimes and also be up in my grill whenever I was trying to do something important.  It was also nice having him here when Kyle would get home late.  I'm not much of a people person so I don't go out with or invite over friends all that often but I sure do like animals so I wish little (well not so little anymore) Link was here.  However, I'm sure he's very happy at home lounging on his cat tower and doing other awesome cat things.

"This is my chair"

Happy Friday!

I skip classes and so can you!

Okay, so I probably shouldn't advocate skipping classes and I'm sure my mom like most moms enjoys telling herself that I would never do such a thing but sometimes I do because I just have to. It's what college is all about right?

No, I know college is for learning and making friends and all that good stuff.  But college also gives you a little freedom, especially when you don't live at home.  I'm pretty sure that every semester of college so far I've taken at least one full out "sick" day and sometimes Kyle does too and usually it's a good time.  One year we went furniture shopping which sounds dumb but it really wasn't and last year we sat in bed literally all day and watched the full season of "Face-Off" on SyFy. I think I got up once to answer the door for the food we ordered it was the epitome of a lazy day.

This semester I haven't skipped any classes and that's probably because we're only a week and a half in.  Watch out for a post next week about how I've started skipping class.  But today in both of my classes so far my professors have chosen to point out that we don't have another "break" until Thanksgiving so that means that I will have class everyday until November 23.  That's 11 full weeks of classes folks.  Usually when I take my "sick" day it's unplanned but the prospect of 11 weeks of classes and the fact that I'm a super-senior is making it really hard for me to not plan one or two or ten.  This semester feels like it's going to last a really long time.  Maybe if I just shut up and enjoy my last two semesters it won't seem that way anymore and I'll be crying in May because college is over and I have to join the "real world".

Happy Wednesday!

Group Projects

Today is going to be a lovely little rant about group projects.

This comes about because this year I have a class that is one big group project. That's right, for 15 weeks 5 people and myself get to work together and in the end we will be graded on our ability to do so.  It sounds awesome doesn't it?  No, not really.  So far, mind you we're only a week into the semester, all but one of my fellow group members has responded to my efforts to get together and start our project.  How cool is that?

Pretty much my favorite info-graphic EVER.

So in the spirit of "loving" group projects here's a list of things I love (hate) about them.

1. We get to work in a group!

As a self-proclaimed introvert working in a group is tiring.  One of the trademarks of being an introvert is that we thrive on doing things alone, group activities tire us out. So therefore, I don't necessarily like group projects unless I get a really good group which has yet to happen.

2.  I get to do all of the work!

Trust me, I love busting my butt so that other people can benefit from my efforts. Okay, so if I'm volunteering and I'm helping people because I want to then it's okay but if you're in my group and you expect to get credit for doing nothing you better check yourself before you wreck yourself (or grade).  I'll add that sometimes if you're lucky you might have one other person like you in the group so you catch a little bit of a break.

3. I have to confront the teacher about your poor efforts.

I hate confrontations and in an ideal world where group projects worked out well this would never happen. However, my group project experience so far has led me to believe that I will always have to tell my instructor (face-to-face or in some kind of peer review form) that my fellow group members suck.

4. I end up despising people that I could have or was already friends with.

If we're in a group and you do nothing and then get pissed when you don't get credit I will end up disliking you.

That's all I think I have to say about "group" projects.  As you can tell so far my experiences haven't been great.  Sometimes (and this is especially true for grade school teachers who stuck me with the "below average" students) it is the teachers fault because they intentionally assign you a group that is doomed to fail but most times it's because most people are lazy and I (in terms of my education) am not.

I hope everyone else can say better things about they're group project experiences.
Happy Monday!

Disclaimer:  To future employers that may see this for whatever reason just because I'm pessimistic about group projects it does not mean I will not participate in a meaningful way if assigned to one.

Blue-Eyed Baker: I made a Napoleon

I made a Napoleon and it turned out really well.

When we went to Carlo's over the summer Kyle bought a Napoleon, ate it, and instantly fell in love with it.  Then when we came back to State College he asked me to make him one.  I was really iffy at first because pastries scare me but I conquered my fear.  I made everything from scratch and from what I hear it was really delicious.  (I didn't actually have any.)

So in case you didn't know a Napoleon is a pastry that is made up of three components, pastry cream, puff pastry dough and fondant.  I was, in all honesty, really afraid to attempt making any of these things.  I'd tried pastry cream before and it was an epic fail, boiling sugar (for the fondant) scares the crap out of me and puff pastry is just a chore.  BUT at the insistence of my significant other I cut no corners, okay one corner with the dough, and made everything from scratch and it was all a success.  I did use a "quick" puff pastry recipe because I didn't have 4 million hours to make classic puff pastry.

So here was my result,

Not perfect but still pretty awesome.

The only thing that didn't turn out perfectly was the design on top because A.) I wasn't working fast enough and B.) the chocolate fondant decided it was the boss for the day.

The recipes I used were mainly from JoePastry but I did, like I said, I used a quick puff pastry recipe from another site.  Today I'm not going to type out the recipes because it's a lot of stuff and I think most people would probably use store bought puff pastry anyways but Kyle got his way this time.

Happy Baking!

Back to School

So it's been a really long time since I've blogged but to be honest it's no big deal.  I literally had nothing to write about so why bore you and myself with posts I didn't care about.  Today, though, I have something to write about.

This week I started my next to last semester here at dear old State (Penn State that is).  It's been a little rough.  The first two days of classes were a wake up call.  I thought that this year was going to be easy.  I guess it could have been that way if I didn't have to jam pack my schedule with classes so I can graduate in the spring but here I am with 19.5 credits this semester and all of my classes (except for maybe ballroom dance) are sure to be a ton of work.  After the first two days the rest of the week just drug on but thankfully it's finally Friday plus a three day weekend!

Here's to hoping that the rest of the semester picks up just a bit.

The Avett Brothers

First things first, if you don't know who The Avett Brothers are I highly suggest you go find out right now because YOU are missing out.

Amazing.

So after watching that you are no doubt in love with them.  I know when I found them I could not get enough.  I even shared their awesomeness with Kyle and he likes them too.  We've been listening to them for maybe 2-2.5 years now and just this past Thursday we finally saw them live. My mind was BLOWN.  They're one of the most amazing live bands I've ever seen.  Driving all the way to Richmond, Virginia (which isn't really that far) was so worth it.

Waiting in anticipation.

These guys are so good like seriously so good.  I was just about in tears while they were playing because it made my heart so so so happy to hear them play.  They interacted with the crowd and they are just so talented. They even had this rockin' cellist that jumped around on stage while playing it was amazeballs.

This guy loves the cello.

These two...

I'm in love with them both.

I'll apologize now for picture quality.  I'm no photographer and I took them with my phone while moving to get a "good" angle.  I'm happy with them though and I pretty much don't even care about the pictures because I saw them live and it was awesome!  

Kyle and I finally took a picture together.

So I hope you are now also in love with The Avett Brothers and if you're not I guess I can't make you love them.  Happy Sunday!

Netflixing

I've recently gotten into the habit of looking at theBerry semi-religiously.  This isn't the first time this has happened and it probably isn't the last.  I have a nice habit of being somewhat internet free for awhile and then I go on a binge where I look at tons and tons and tons of photo galleries on the internet.  My favorite websites include:

theBerry

BuzzFeed

9gag

theChive

and sometimes Yahoo!

But my internet addiction is not why we are here today.  Today I'd like to talk about "Netflixing" a word I found by looking at a post on theBerry.

I need this.

Before today I was unaware that there was a word for binge watching on Netflix.  Now I'm more enlightened and I will admit that I am indeed a Netflixer.  I don't actually have a Netflix subscription but when I'm at my apartment in State College we use Kyle's parents subscription (they are saints). I don't use Netflix all that much but when I do I go hard.  It's usually the result of me being jealous about how Kyle has friends and I'm completely anti-social but that's another story.  

Anyhow, when I turn on Netflix you can count on me watching one movie and at least 10 episodes of a show.  One day I watched 2 seasons of Arrested Development in one sitting.  Netflix kindly reminded me multiple times that I should probably get up and do something instead of sitting on my couch and eating a whole bag of Doritos while wishing Jason Bateman was my boyfriend (sorry Kyle).

So I'd like to compile a list of TV shows I'd love to be Netflixing the crap out of right this second:

Arrested Development - Okay so I started this one but I never finished it

The Big Bang Theory - Kyle totally got me hooked on this show

Parks and Rec - I also started this one but should definitely go back and finish it. I love me some Aziz Ansari

The Office - Such a good show.  Also I wish I were Pam.

Orange is the New Black - This show looks so good.

Wilfred - Every time I catch an episode I laugh so I should probably watch every episode. Right?

Weeds - I've heard good things. I enjoyed the pilot.  I need to watch it.

Breaking Bad - See above.

Firefly - Nathan Fillion, will you marry me?

I'm sure there are more, I'm not really familiar with all that Netflix has to offer.  Also if any of these shows aren't offered please excuse me for my ignorance.

Happy Wednesday!

Carlo's Bake Shop

So here's the post you've all been waiting for (if you've been following my life for the past few days).  Last Saturday on our way home from Wildwood Kyle and I stopped at Carlo's Bake Shop.  If you don't know what Carlo's is you have a problem and I weep for you.

Heaven on Earth

I was so excited to be there.  When we got there the line was a bit overwhelming and I almost said to Kyle "You know what forget it".  I was just happy to see it.  I was so overcome with emotions about being there that I didn't need to buy anything.  But, I didn't say a word and we waited in line for approximately 1 hour and 10 minutes.  Thank god I kept my mouth shut because it was well worth the wait.

The line

So we waited and waited and waited.  At one point this adorable guy from Fran's Deli came around with menus and told us about the deal we could score on sandwiches if we ordered from his shop.  Of course Kyle and I were hungry so we ordered.  We didn't actually eat the sandwiches until after we went through the bakery but they were delicious and it's worth a trip to Hoboken just to have one.

We finally made it to the front of the line and got to go inside.  The bakery itself is really small but I didn't expect anything extravagant because they've been in business since 1910.  There were a lot of people inside but really it was the perfect size shop with the perfect amount of charm.

 Look at all the baked goodness

There were so many people inside that it was hard to get pictures.  As you can see most of the above pictures are of cookies but there were also cakes, cupcakes, pies, and cannolis.  I ended up buying a red velvet cupcake, a cannoli, some cookies for the kids at home and a brownie.  Also I got a t-shirt so I can remember my trip forever.  Kyle splurged on mini cakes that you had to buy in pairs.  He ended up getting tiramisu, chocolate truffle, chocolate mousse and red velvet cakes.  I got to try them and they were delish.  Buddy Valastro has earned the moniker of Cake Boss.  The cookies were good too and the cannoli was the best.

This is me looking like a total geek as I live the dream.

So, was the 1 hour and 10 minute line worth it? YES! If you ever had any doubts about the Cake Boss being hyped up too much you are wrong.  He's the best.  I hope to get to Hoboken again someday when I have more disposable income so I can buy all the things.  Also it would be awesome to someday take one of his classes in cake decorating.  

Happy Tuesday!

Positive Thoughts

Today I was going to post about my visit to Carlo's Bake Shop, but it can wait.  The past two days I've been feeling pretty down and negative.  I've felt bad about Kyle going to the Navy, the loss of my dad, my unclear future and a few other things.  But, I was just looking at theBerry.com (a great site if you like to waste time looking at pictures like me) and I found a post called Be All That You Can Be and one picture in particular reminded me that instead of wallowing in my sadness I should think of the things that I do have.

So here's a list of positive things that I have in my life,

My family

I'm very blessed to have a family that loves me.  Even though I get mad at them sometimes for not being perfect, I know they'll always be here.

A home

In a post awhile ago I discussed how sometimes I'm unsure of where home is but no matter where I am in life I'll always have a place to come back to that I can call home for the time being.

My significant other

It may sound pretentious but I feel weird calling Kyle my boyfriend.  Regardless of what you or I call him though I'm thankful he's around.  I get upset a lot because I'm nervous about him possibly leaving for the Navy in about a year but I love him to death.

My pets

Animals have a way of knowing when your down.  My dogs are the perfect pick me up.  As soon as I walk outside they're there tails wagging.  My cat is less helpful but he's still super cute.

My car

This is a bit material but I know a lot of people that don't have their own cars and it sucks.  I have the freedom to go anywhere.  

My 2 best friends

I don't rely on them all too much because I like to tell myself that I can solve everything on my own but when I decide that I do need them they are ALWAYS there.  I could literally not talk to them for 3 months and then we pick up right where we left off like we just talked the day before.  I couldn't find better friends.

My education
Most days I'm really worried about what the heck I'm going to do next May when I graduate.  I want to own a bakery but I'm going to have no financial means to do so right after I graduate so what am I gonna do?  Obviously I'll get a job but there are a lot of questions that I don't know the answer to.  However, I will have a degree which is something that not everyone has so, thanks mom for making me go to college and giving me the means to do so.

My job
Currently I'm babysitting a few days a week which is most of the time a drag BUT I am employed.  I'm also not really looking forward to going back to work when school starts up but it is super cool that I don't have to worry about looking for employment.  I have a guaranteed job where I'm guaranteed to make $7.50 an hour and work at least 15 hours a week.  I shouldn't complain.

My life

This is something I don't think about too often because at 22 I'm still pretty sure I'm going to live forever but when I'm really down in the dumps it's sometimes nice to think about how I'm still here.  I'm still alive and I have the power to turn all of my frowns upside down.

Vacation

This past week I've been on vacation with my family.  This time "my family" includes, my mom, Julia, Elton, Evan, Kyle and my Aunt Cheryl from North Carolina.  We've spent the week in Wildwood, NJ.  This was the chosen vacation spot this summer because Julia dances and there was a dance competition here this week.   I guess I should mention that it was Nationals.  From what I understand she and the rest of her dance school (Dance with me by Sisters 3) did really well.  So Congrats to all of them.  Now here's a breakdown of my week starting last Saturday:

Saturday (July 6)

I spent the night at Kyle's on Friday night and then we woke up bright and early (6:00 am) to start our drive.  We got on the road at 7:20 am and arrived in Wildwood 8 hours later with a stop in State College along the way.  Also, Kyle was sick which sucked but he started feeling better the next day. YAY!

Our "arrival" photo

Sunday (July 7) 

We went to the beach.  We were there all day and it was awesome.  

I love the beach.

Monday (July 8)

We also went to the beach.  Julia had to dance.  We went to a restaurant called Dogtooth Bar and Grill.  They had pretty good food.

He was begging to be buried.

Tuesday (July 9)

No beach today.  We went to watch Julia dance in her duet.  They did really well but there was some steep competition.  We went to dinner at a place called Maui's Dog House (featured on Food Network's Diners, Drive-ins and Dives) and had some gourmet hot-dogs that were pretty tasty.

Yummy

Wednesday (July 10)

Julia danced her solo and did a beautiful job.  I was so proud of her.  We went to the beach afterwards and then it got chilly and from there the weather went South.

Thursday (July 11)

 The weather was really crappy in the morning.  In the late afternoon we did go out on the boardwalk.  I finally got some seafood and we went and saw Marmoset monkeys that were absolutely adorable.  Kyle won me a Despicable Me minion and I was happy as a clam.

BANANA!

Friday (July 12)

Today is our last day here and it is quite possibly the worst last day at the beach ever.  It has yet to stop raining.  We did have a nice breakfast at Uncle Bill's Pancake House but I think that's as exciting as it's going to get today unless the rain stops.

So I guess I can say that it's been a pretty good vacation, except for the rain.  The rain really sucks.  Tomorrow we'll be heading home and stopping in Hoboken to visit Carlo's Bakery (as seen on Cake Boss on TLC) I'm super excited.  After Hoboken it will be back to State College for Kyle and me because this weekend is Arts Fest. 

Happy Friday!

The Absentee

Yeah, yeah I know I've been absent for about a week now.  I don't know if I have any die hard fans that really care or even notice enough to miss me but it doesn't matter because some days I miss blogging.  Although it sucks when you don't have a lot to blog about.

The past week was pretty boring.  I didn't go anywhere of note or read any super inspiring books (I am reading "The Trial" by Kafka at the moment but I'm having a real hard time getting through it) or bake anything.  The breakdown of last week is as follows:

Monday

I babysat.  It wasn't very fun.  It felt like an eternity.

Tuesday

I think I watched Law and Order for 8 hours straight, did some homework and took my first shower in a couple days (I know, I'm gross).

Wednesday

More babysitting.  It was just as uneventful as Monday

Thursday

I honestly don't remember anything about this day except for being depressed at wings/The Eagles because I drank too much vodka.

Friday

I went to Kyle's.  I learned about the X-men and other comic book characters.  

Saturday

We ended up in State College because they found out about the cat.  We had to remove all of his stuff and now we have no more kitty at the apartment. Oh well.

Sunday

I slept for a long time and then did more nothing (I think).  Seriously, I remember as much about Sunday as I do about Thursday.  What is my life?

I'll be honest, I think we all deserve a lazy day or two but last week was just pathetic.  Maybe I should re-evaluate some things.  I guess the good news though is that this week will be busy because I plan on baking at least one thing and I'm trying to get as much school work done as possible since we're leaving for the beach on Saturday! YAYYY!

This was me all last week

Happy Tuesday!

Blue-Eyed Baker: Graduation Cake

So if you read Summer is HERE you know about the graduation cake I made and if you didn't read it don't worry, a) you still can and b) I'm going to tell you all about the cake anyways.

Last Saturday an old friend of mine had her college graduation party and I volunteered to make her cake.  It was a half sheet cake and the biggest cake I've made to date.  I tried to make it the day of the party and that was mistake number one.

Mistake #1

Try to make the biggest cake you've ever made in approximately four hours.

It was dumb and I'll never do it again.  I should have made the cake the night before so it could have cooled completely and the icing wouldn't have been a fiasco.

Mistake #2

Underestimate how much you'll need of each ingredient.  

Okay, so at first I thought I was only going to make a one layer cake.  Well I didn't have enough batter to fill the pan up as much as I wanted and the first cake came out a little small so I made a second layer because I didn't want to give someone that was paying me a chincy cake.  So in short I barely had enough ingredients for both cakes and definitely didn't have enough ingredients for the icing so I had to make a few trips.

Mistake #3

Try to work with warm cake.

Just don't do it, ever.  It was the main reason everything went down hill.

It may seem like I'm being hard on myself but I'm really not.  I needed to make these mistakes in order for me to learn.  I ended up finishing the cake and admitting to myself that it wasn't my best work.  I ended up having to free-hand the design on the cake and I learned with some practice I really could become good at that.  I also learned that it's a good idea to bake for people you know because when you mess up and the cake falls apart in transit they will be understanding and still eat the cake.  The best part was later when I was told the cake was delicious and they would order from me again.  So all-in-all it wasn't that bad.

I'm not posting any recipes today because I used the Guiness cake from the Irish Car-Bomb cupcakes which you can find on my blog and a basic butter-cream icing that isn't my favorite to use but I was in a jam.

The result.  I did pipe some bad-ass shell bordering.

Happy Thursday and Happy Baking!

Summer is HERE

After the crappiest start to "summer" ever, from going back to State College alone to the rainy, yucky weather, summer is finally (and officially) here and I personally think that I started it off in just the right way.  I had an excellent weekend.

Friday

I had Friday off (well I had the whole week off but whatever) so Kyle and I went to Ohiopyle.  Yes, I finally made it.  We didn't have a picnic or take the dog but just getting to Ohiopyle for the first time this summer was enough.  It wasn't too busy and the water wasn't too cold nor was it too hot.  It was perfect.

The natural water slide.  I didn't take this picture and we didn't go on it but next time...

Saturday

On Saturday an old friend from high school had her graduation party.  Also, her mom asked me to make the cake for the part but more on that in another post.  Anywho, it was really nice to see her and her mom and some other people that I haven't seen in a while.  There was also beer and great food so that makes for a good time.  It was fun and just the kind of party I like to go to, not too big, not too small and nothing formal.

The cake, not my best work but I was told it was delicious.

Sunday

We were supposed to go see Alice Cooper but we didn't.  In all honesty I'm not a huge Alice Cooper fan so it didn't bother me all that much.  We spent the afternoon canoeing on the Yough with my family which was a blast and then in the evening after deciding to forgo the concert Kyle took me to dinner and out for ice cream and it was just the perfect night. 

The captain and first mate

Mom and Ed could not keep up

Don't rock the boat

If this past weekend was any indication of how the summer is going to go I'll be pleased.  It was so much fun and it was nice to get out and do stuff.  Happy Monday!

Blue-Eyed Baker: Cupcake-palooza

So last night I was invited to a "Ladies' Night" event at our local chiropractor's office.  I was asked to bring samples and/or a portfolio to show off my work. I, the ever overachiever, brought both.  I prepared myself for a crowd and took 72 mini-cupcakes, three different flavors.

My set-up

I was really excited because I thought I was going to get my name out to a lot of people and maybe have some projects to do over the summer.  Not the case.  I don't think this was their most successful Ladies' Night because the turnout for the vendor show portion was like 4 people.  I left with about 64 of the 72 cupcakes that I took.  Not to mention there were a ton of extras that I left at home.  So now at my house we have stacks on stacks on stacks of cupcakes in the kitchen.  I don't really know what to do with them all.

So here's the Blue-Eyed Baker portion.  I made three flavors, chocolate with peanut butter icing which are the same recipes I used for my Mother's Day Cake, a vanilla cupcake with chocolate frosting that wasn't so great so I won't post the recipe (I think for vanilla stuff I will stick to this recipe), and finally a red-velvet cupcake with cream cheese icing.  The red-velvet recipe is from Brown-Eyed Baker.  Like I said I love her stuff.

Red-Velvet Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Icing

Yield: 12 regular cupcakes or 36 mini-cupcakes

Ingredients:

  For the cupcakes:

•   4 T. unsalted, room temperature butter
• 3/4 c. granulated sugar
• 1 egg
• 2 1/2 T. cocoa powder
• 3 T. red food coloring
• 1/2 t. vanilla
• 1/2 c. buttermilk
• 1 c. + 2 T. flour
• 1/2 t. baking soda
• 1 1/2 t. distilled white vinegar

  For the icing:

• 4 oz. cream cheese
• 4 T. butter
• 2 1/2 c. powdered sugar
• 1 T. vanilla

How to:

  Cupcakes:

•   Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees and line your cupcake pans.  
• In a bowl cream together the butter and sugar for about 3 minutes and then add the egg and beat on high until well incorporated.
•   In a separate small bowl mix together the food coloring, vanilla and cocoa powder to form a paste.   Add this mixture to the larger bowl. Make sure all of the batter is incorporated with the red food coloring.
•   With your mixer on low add half of the buttermilk and then half of the flour.  Repeat this step.  Mix on high for an additional minute or so to make sure the batter is smooth.
•   Pour the batter into your cupcake tins and bake for about 20 minutes for regular cupcakes and 11 minutes for mini-cupcakes.
•   Let cupcakes cool for 5-10 minutes in pans and then transfer to a cooling rack.

  Frosting:

•   Cream the butter and cream cheese together.
•   Add the vanilla.
•   Add powdered sugar until you reach your desired consistency.
•   Ice cupcakes when cool as desired.

Your final product should be pretty delicious.  I hope you enjoy! Happy Baking and Happy Thursday!

The red-velvets are on the bottom